


Couches

by Postmodernpromartheus



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, MSR and slight angst and fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23201056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Postmodernpromartheus/pseuds/Postmodernpromartheus
Summary: On a rainy Saturday morning, Mulder and Scully find themselves at Ikea in an effort to replace the couch that was destroyed in what they refer to as the Extreme Makeover: Russian Edition.
Relationships: msr - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Couches

On a rainy Saturday morning, Mulder and Scully find themselves at Ikea in an effort to replace the couch that was destroyed in what they refer to as the Extreme Makeover: Russian Edition.

“Why did we pick today, of all days, to come here? It’s a fricking zoo, Mulder.”

“Because we aren’t away on a case and we really can’t sit on that couch anymore.”

“I know, it just sucks. Why’d they have to destroy the couch? Couldn’t they have just waited to shoot us until we went outside? I really liked that couch.”

“We’ll find something even better. What about that one?”

“The back is too low.”

“What about this one?”

“I don’t like the cushions.”

“Why?”

“They’re too messy.”

“What the hell does that even mean, Scully?!”

“They’re going to get all bunched up and no. Just no. I don’t like them.”

“What about this one, then?”

“It’s green, Mulder.”

“It’s fabric. It can be changed. What about the look of it?”

“I don’t like the legs.”

“Seriously?! You pick one, then.”

“That one.”

“It looks like something from my old dorm room in college.”

“Don’t be an asshole, Mulder.”

“Let’s go sit on that one over there.”

“It’s ok. It’s not terribly comfortable, though.”

“It has to get broken in a bit, Scully. It needs to mold to our butt cheeks.”

“The other one was perfect.”

“Which one, Scully? The one over there?”

“No, the one they destroyed.”

“But we can’t have that one. We need to pick a new one. So just pick and we’ll learn to like it as much as the other one.”

“I miss your leather couch.”

“Really?”

“Don’t you, Mulder? Don’t you ever think about it?”

“No. It was old and falling apart…not to mention, ugly. Why would you miss that?”

“So many important moments happened on that couch, Mulder. So many meals eaten, movies watched. We cried for your mom on that couch. We cried for a lot of things on that couch. We laughed. Opened presents. Mulder, William was created on that couch.”

“Possibly. Or in the bed, in the shower, against the front door, or on the kitchen table.”

“The front door. I forgot about that. That was a good weekend. You don’t miss your old apartment?”

“No. I have the memories I want to keep, the rest I’d prefer to leave there. I miss your old couch, though. The ugly blue striped one.”

“It wasn’t ugly! It was quite “in” at the time, Mulder.”

“It was ugly, but I loved it. I used to love to find any excuse to go to your apartment and sit on that couch. Your apartment was Dana, not Scully. Dana was soft and innocent. I would imagine Dana sitting there reading Breakfast at Tiffany’s with her tea and a fuzzy blanket …”

“I haven’t read that in at least 15 years! I used to love reading that over and over.”

“I didn’t get many glimpses of Dana so being able to be in that space on that couch was like watching an animal at the zoo.”

“Thanks very much for that analogy, Mulder.”

“Dana only existed in that space. She hasn’t really existed since. They took that innocence from you. I miss that part of you and I miss that couch. Unfortunately, much of my love for the couch was tarnished the day I went in to find you about to make out with Van Blundht.”

“The h is silent guy!! What was his first name?! It’s on the tip of my tongue! I hate that so many of those memories are fuzzy now.”

“Eddie.”

“That’s it! And I wasn’t about to make out with him, I was about to make out with you.”

“Whatever.”

“I miss my mom’s couch.”

“Why? What did it look like, Scully?”

“Not because of its looks. I miss that I could go over to her house no matter what condition I was in and my mom would sit me down on the couch and get me tea and start a fire in the fireplace and cover me with a blanket and talk to me. I miss what it represented.”

“I’m sorry, Scully. I can understand that, though. I miss the couch in Chillmark, the one we had when I was growing up before Sam was taken. We would build blanket forts around it and I would make her watch The Twilight Zone or Outer Limits even though she was scared because I didn’t want her to be weak. I wanted her to be a tough girl so no boy could take advantage of her. I thought I was toughening her up. After she was gone, my mom left the house exactly the same. She told people it was so that when Samantha came home, she would still recognize it. I know now that was a lie. My mom knew where she was the whole time. I still miss the couch, though.”

“Oh, Mulder, that’s awful.”

“Yeah.”

“What about the couch at your mom’s house in Greenwich?”

“I don’t really have any memory of that one. Why?”

“Funny enough, I do. Remember the time you brought me there and got into a fight with your mom and ditched me. She had gone up to her room and I didn’t know where a phone or phone book was in the house so I had to sit on the couch and wait for her to come back down. Eventually, she did and that wasn’t too awkward. Thank you very much, Mulder. We called a cab and I sat on the couch while she hid in the kitchen, but you have no memory of the couch you son of a bitch.”

“I was an asshole back then. Sorry, Scully. You deserved better.”

“Yes. Yes, I did, Mulder. Thankfully, you outgrew the ditching.”

“It took me awhile, but I got there eventually. I’m a slow learner.”

“You know the other couch I really miss? You’ll think I’m crazy, but I really miss the gunmen’s couch.”

“Ew, Scully!!!! There had to be so many organisms growing on that thing. I shudder to think.”

“I miss the Friday nights you guys let me come over for Friday Fiesta. I miss Frohike’s cooking.”

“Yeah, he made killer Mexican food.”

“Why Mexican? And why did I never question that before?”

“He loved to eat it so he learned how to cook it. Pure and simple.”

“His huevos rancheros and his enchiladas. Mmmmmm.”

“Oh, the enchiladas. God, yeah.”

“I remember sitting and eating and playing video games. I miss the guys so much, Mulder.”

“Me, too, Scully. It used to feel like we were in high school when we’d sit on the couch and I’d figure out ways to touch you without anyone noticing.”

“They noticed, Mulder. You’d put your arm around me or we’d hold hands. It was so innocent and sweet.”

“Remember the Halloween parties?”

“Of course I do, what about them?”

“Remember the weird guy?”

“There was someone there who wasn’t weird…besides me, of course?”

“Very funny. No, the guy. The guy with the thing on his head who tried to hit on you?”

“Frankie!!! Yes!!”

“You remember his name?!”

“Yeah, I set him up with a woman from the lab. One of Pendrell’s co-workers. I think they are still married.”

“I hope they didn’t reproduce.”

“That’s mean, Mulder.”

“Maybe they got her genes.”

“I miss Missy’s couch.”

“Missy?”

“My sister, Mulder. Melissa.”

“God, I’m sorry, Scully. You don’t usually refer to her that way. You don’t usually refer to her at all, actually.”

“Did you ever see her apartment? While I was in the hospital, I mean.”

“No. She came to mine, once, to tell me to get my head out of my ass.”

“Did you sleep with her?”

“NO!! Why would you ask me that?! God, Scully!”

“I’ve always wondered. When I woke up you looked so guilty. She didn’t, but you did.”

“You could tell?”

“Of course. What did you do, Mulder? Why did you feel guilty? Did you sleep with one of my nurses?”

“No. While you were missing I slept with someone on a case. I felt so guilty. I couldn’t look you in the eye.”

“Was it someone I know?”

“No. It was a woman in a vampire case in California. Her name was Kristen”

“Did you see her again?”

“No. She died that night.”

“Where did you do it?”

“Bathroom sink.”

“Oh.”

“Did Ed have a couch?”

“Who’s Ed?”

“Jerse. Ed Jerse. Speaking of sleeping with someone on a case.”

“Mulder. Yes, he had a couch. He slept on it that night. And I didn’t sleep with him. I wanted to, but he couldn’t perform. He managed to do other things, though.”

“He couldn’t get it up?!”

“Yes, stop looking so smug, Mulder. He got me off just fine, though.”

“Oh.”

“God, I haven’t thought about him in years.”

“Unfortunately, I’ve had a constant reminder.”

“What?”

“Your tattoo, Scully.”

“Oh, Mulder! I have wanted to have it removed and you’ve stopped me every time! Why did you stop me?”

“At first I asked you to keep it out of spite. I got what he wanted. Screw him…”

“Mulder!! How dare you use me that way!”

“Wait…I said, at first. I was angry. I hated him for getting to be with you first. Then I realized it was in my spot…you know…where I always put my hand and that it represented our beginning years together.”

“Oh, Mulder…”

“Now, when I look at it, it takes me back to the days in our basement office.”

“Mulder, it was never about Jerse just like it was never about the desk. I wanted so desperately to know I mattered to you…”

“Scully, you…”

“No, Mulder, let me finish. I wanted to know that you wanted me by your side. I wanted a nameplate and my name on the door and a desk because I wanted you to tell everyone that I was your partner. That I belonged. That I mattered to you and to the work. That I wasn’t just assigned to you.”

“I’m so sorry that I ever made you feel like you didn’t. You were everything, Scully. You still are.”

“I know that now, Mulder. I just didn’t know it then.”

“I wish to God I knew that all I had to do was take you couch shopping to get you to open up to me. It would have saved me decades of frustration.”

“Mulder, let’s get a couch and go home.”

“A couch and meatballs, Scully. I’m here for the meatballs.”

“Yes. We’ll get you meatballs. Mulder?”

“Yeah?”

“I want this couch.”

“Ok. What color?”

“No, I mean I want _this_ couch.”

“Why this one, Scully?”

“Because this one has memories already attached to it. I don’t want to start over, Mulder.”

“Do they even do that here? Can you buy a floor model if they have brand new ones ready to go?”

“ _Mulder_?”

“Ok. Ok. I’ll get you this couch. You do know that lots of people have sat on this one, right? Kids with dirty hands. I’d think your germaphobia would want you to have the same one brand new. Wouldn’t it?”

“ _Mulder_?”

“All right. I’m going to get the employee over there who is going to think we’re insane.”

“Thank you, Mulder.”

“Ok. It took some finagling. She said no, at first. I think she thought we wanted a floor sample discount so I even offered to pay more, but she took the asking price. She just didn’t want to have to build a new sample. You’ve got your couch, Scully! We have to go rent a truck to get this thing home.”

“Oh, thank you, Mulder!!! Do you think it will fit through the front door?”

“I don’t know. Maybe the legs come off. We’ll figure it out. I need some meatballs, Scully.”

“Ok. Let’s go get you some meatballs. You might even get me to try one.”

“I think maybe there’s a part of Dana still in there after all, Scully.”

“I think you’re right, Mulder. I think you’re right.”


End file.
